God Mode

 It was an accident.  I didn’t mean to do it but it happened.  The circuit got smaller!  I was surprised also, since that was not the intent.  My intent was to develop a length sensing circuit so that I could tell if the weather had affected the long stretch of rail that constantly plagued me with derailments each Spring and Fall.  It was like a lot of accidents that bring about great inventions though.  It was COMPLETELY unexpected.  The circuit shrunk and it was obvious.  It looked like it shrunk to about 1/3 of its expected size.  I was using a board that was 3.584 inches exactly and now it was 2.394 inches.  I knew this because I was using my digital micrometer to measure the length of the gap in the rails from Spring to Fall.

What I did next was to try and make it happen again.  Since the standard components are a particular size when.... well, what shall I call it? ... “new”? “full”?  In the model railroad business they call this “prototypical” which means “in-the-real-not-model world”, I had to make a “new” (prototype) circuit to try it out again.  This time, when I applied power it went to 2.396 inches.  I tried it four more times, each time taking careful measurements of not only the physical board but of each component.  The variations were in direct relationship to the inductor/capacitor for the tuning circuit.  It apparently had to do with a time-space relationship that Einstein had theorized but had never proven.  What was really cool then was that I could mathematically predict what size something was going to be.  Since I work in 1:87 (HO or Half O) scale that would make a man about .9365 inches tall, I calculated the inductance and capacitance in order to do this.  What I didn’t know was how to project this to another object other than the circuit.  What I found out was that it was related to the magnetic field that encompassed the circuit and by careful use of certain metals and the winding of the inductor, I could project this onto any object without changing the size of the circuit.  My first task was to try it on a few non-descript objects like pencils, screws and bits of wood, plastic and metal. 

This worked great, but only on magnetic (or conductive) material.  My next task was to try it on something living.  This was a hard one to decide on since I am a firm believer in animal rights.  But, I figured, most people would not object to a spider, a fly or a ladybug and this year we had an extremely large supply of those.  So, it was also successful.  Where to go from here?  I mean, I really couldn’t do a whole house or a real engine, boxcar or caboose.  And I certainly wouldn’t do it for a car.  It kind of sat on the shelf for a long time until another accident, or mistake as he liked to call it, decided for me.  Bill, my long time friend and confident was at my desk and trying a few objects of his own when he accidentally bumped the circuit and hit the “fire” button as it turned directly on him.  Great, just great!  Here I was, trying not to be conspicuous with this discovery until I had it all worked out and now this.  How was I going to explain this to his wife and daughters, let alone everyone at his workplace and the daily newspaper and freak show rags at the super market?

I didn’t want to do it but it was all I could do but laugh.  Bill could have stuck the probe up his nose and had his nose only half the size of his face but no, not Bill, it had to be his whole body.  I couldn’t figure out why it only affected one or two items and not the surrounding items.  It must be due to conduction of the time-space continuum.  Maybe certain materials conducted, some were non-conductors and others were semi-conductors.  It didn’t seem quite fair.  Here I was, another cup of coffee, no one to talk to and the greatest discovery of mankind at my fingertips.  Why should I share it?  What has anyone done for me?

Sure I was fat.  What did that have to do with anything?  What was it about the train that fascinated me?  It’s a magical world that I often pretend that I’m in.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be there and to walk through the buildings and to ride the trains?  And now, here was Bill, being as I wished to be.  The clock was off by more than an hour.  Now I couldn't make myself small because who would take care of Bill?  What a dilemma!